Okay, I think I am a fairly calm person. Most of that is the drugs, sure, but I think that in a crisis situation I am fairly level-headed and sensible. However, I believe that there are just some things that I should not have to deal with, think about, or generally tolerate. Not the big stuff. The big stuff I can handle, no problem. I’m talking about the little stuff.
I’ve often wondered why when the sky is falling I’m fine but when my clothes hangers get tangled, I’m ready to, as my sister so eloquently puts it, nut the f--- up. I’ve finally figured it out. I just shouldn’t have to think about things like that! They should be trivial; they should just work like they should, damn it, so that I don’t have to think about them! Clothes hangers are so annoying! I hate to hang things up. I’d rather fold them and then have to iron them than have to hang them up because clothes hangers get tangled. And don’t tell me to buy the plastic ones. They are just as bad about getting tangled as the metal/wire ones(thoughts of Mommie Dearest come to me at this point…I understand her so much better after a clothes hanger fight.), except that they pose another aggravating problem… when you try to untangle them, you have to be careful, or you’ll break them. And that is enough to send me off the deep end into the abyss and be happy for it because the abyss does not have clothes hangers. I simply do not have the time, patience or inclination to gently coax clothes hangers apart. They should just do their job quietly and efficiently so that I don’t have to nut up and give the neighbors something to talk about.
And then there’s the double cup holder in my car. There’s this rubber piece that fits into it. I suppose it’s there to keep the moisture from doing whatever they thought the moisture might do to the plastic underneath it. See, that’s the thing. It’s not as if some sensitive piece of equipment is under the cup holder. It’s just plastic, shaped exactly like the rubber piece, thus making it a cup holder. So why do I need the rubber piece? Oh, I know why they put it there. To annoy me! Every time I put a large cup into one part of the cup holder, the whole double piece comes out when I pick up the cup! Now, I should not have to deal with that! And thus, I nut up. Give me “Little Timmy just fell down the well!” Do not give me a rubber double cup holder that will not stay where it belongs! I have no problem figuring out a way to get the kid out of a hole. I should not have to think about getting that stupid rubber piece back in a hole!
Know what else bothers me to no end? People who drive slow in the fast lane. Drive slow in the slow lane, that is all I ask. Bra straps that will not stay up. People who say, “irregardless.” That is not a word, moron! You just contradicted yourself. It is a double negative! People who can not multi-task! They are so concerned with the one little piece of the puzzle they are working on that the entire thing could come down around their heads, and they’d never notice. Like the mouse so excited that he got some cheese that he missed the cat coming up behind him. Some would say these were small things, but all of them force me to deal with things that I shouldn’t have to think about, deal with or tolerate.
Still, I maintain that I am a fairly calm person. No one has died yet, and only a few clothes hangers have paid the price. Well, there was one secretary at work that would duck under her desk when she saw me coming when I had that mouse as a boss. She took cover, though, so she doesn’t count either. However, I will grant that I am not a patient person, nor am I a tactful person. They haven’t made a drug capable of fixing me in those regards.
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